Friday, November 03, 2006

November 3 2006 in the news

Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez's lead over his main rival ahead of the Dec. 3 presidential election narrowed in October, today Chavez got a further boost when John Kerry turned up at a stump speech and told Venezuelans "You know, education, if you make the most of it, you study hard, you do your homework and you make an effort to be smart, you can do well. If you don't, you get stuck emigrating to the USA."

Controversial Mufti of Australia Sheik Taj Din al-Hilali has called for a jury of Australian people to judge him for the content of a Ramadan speech delivered last month in which he compared immoderately dressed women to meat that invites rape. If found guilty the Sheik has promised to do 600 hours of community service at a woman's organisation. There is no word yet on how many he plans to rape if given the duty of swimming coach.

A recent survey of Britons has found that they believe US President George W. Bush poses a greater danger to peace than North Korea's Kim Jong-il, while in the USA a counter survey of Americans found they believe all Britons who participated had poor dental hygiene, and yet another counter survey - this time Down Under - found that Aussies believe Britons will continue pomming and whinging about world issues, especially with the impending loss of The Ashes.

Four urinals shaped like a woman's lips went on sale on eBay today after being removed from a public toilet in Vienna following protests from women's groups who said they were sexist, there is still no word yet on how much Sheik Taj Din al-Hilali is willing to bid for them.

Living standards for the people of Fiji will be diminished if the military stages the island nation's fourth coup in 20 years, Foreign Minister Alexander Downer has warned. When asked at the airport a departing Aussie tourist responded to Downer's comments by asking "But the bars at the resorts will still be open past midnight right?"

Scientists believe all seafood could run out by 2050 if current trends of overfishing and pollution continue, the issue may force the Greeks of Australia to turn solely to Fruit and Veg operations, abandoning their stranglehold on the Fish 'n' Chip shop market completely. The issue may also force Indonesians to just loiter in Australian waters illegally.

Microsoft is considering pulling out of China due to repressive government policies there. With the possibility of such an action being taken it is rumoured Bill Gates is considering other ways to meet the payments on his mortgage.

It has emerged that hip hop mogul Diddy wants to become the first black Bond, in this movie James Bond uses his security guards to beat up Q after the ghetto blaster radio rocket launcher almost kills him, Miss Moneypenny becomes Bond's private pole dancer while on assignment, his preferred drink changes from a martini shaken not stirred to a 40 ounce in a brown paper bag, and James Bond falls into a beef with 50 Cent.