Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Wednesday, September 10 in the news....

  • North Korea denied Wednesday that leader Kim Jong Il is seriously ill, telling Western media outlets he's fine and that it wasn't a case of having to be this tall to ride the rides at the North Korean state's 60th birthday celebrations.

  • Scientists fired the first beam of protons around the world's largest particle collider on Wednesday in science's next great step to understand the makeup of the universe. Some feared it may create a black hole that would swallow up the world or open a portal to other dimensions upon which aliens could invade, the scientists at the project dismissed these things, but did admit to all having big breasted hookers sitting on their laps as the first test got underway.

  • OPEC oil ministers agreed Wednesday to trim overall output by more than 500,000 barrels a day in a compromise meant to avoid new turmoil in crude markets while seeking to bolster falling prices. Leaders of OPEC believed prices were too low now and they might have to cut back on their billion dollar lifestyles.

  • Top defense leaders are telling Congress the U.S. must be cautious as the Pentagon begins to cut troops in Iraq and focus more attention on the escalating fight in Afghanistan. When told, President Bush held up a picture book and blurted, "I'll be darned, look at what this Japanese kid did after Hiroshima, paper cranes!"

  • Students who see a gun or overhear plans about an after-school fight can now tip off authorities the 21st century way - by anonymously text-messaging police - under a program announced Monday involving 10 Chicago public high schools. It is expected to bring a fresh high tech approach to snitching on others, and police informers will have to be careful about keeping the police on speed dial to evade rappers and gang members suspicions.

  • A 54-year-old man says his obsessive-compulsive disorder drove him to eat 23,000 Big Macs in 36 years. He refused to reveal how many times he had fries with that, or if his obsessive-compulsive disorder would have meant murder one had the Hamburglar tried to stop him.