Thursday, July 12 in the news....
- A squid as long as a bus and weighing 550 pounds washed up on an Australian beach on Wednesday. The dead squid, measuring 3 feet across at its widest point and 26 feet from the tip of its body to the end of its tentacles, was found by a beachcomber at Ocean Beach on the island state of Tasmania's west coast. Beachcomber in Tasmania is the technical term for wandering drunk.
- U.S. counterterror officials are warning of an increased risk of an attack this summer, fears given momentum by al-Qaida's apparent interest in summertime strikes. Guys with snorkels and shark fins on their heads agreed that it was a great time to promote fear.
- Fast, powerful cars within a few years may be outlawed in Europe, an idea that has been raised ostensibly because Ferraris and Porsches emit too much CO2 and therefore contribute to global warming. Ferrari and Porsche owners disagreed, saying their cars emit sex appeal and contribute to bagging hot chicks.