Tuesday, November 14, 2006

November 14 in the news....

At a diabetes conference in Melbourne scientists warned that diabetes is such a threatening epidemic it could be responsible for wiping out all the Pacific Island peoples this century. Al Gore condemned the remarks, saying Global Warming will 'totally get them first'.

Scientists from Australia's CSIRO have invented a T-shirt that allows air guitarists to play real music. When asked what they plan to do next, one of the Aussie scientists said "I suppose we'll get around to trying to cure cancer now."

Iranian President Mahoud Ahmadinejad declared that Israel was destined to ‘disappearance and destruction’ at a council meeting with Iranian ministers. He said “The western powers created the Zionist regime in order to expand their control of the area." He then went on to say further "And the other supervillains - the cocky Superman and that pest Batman - will be next after the western powers. But we must grow stronger in order to defeat all their super-nefarious and super-ingenious plans against Islam."

Australia's cricket fans are already pushing the boundaries of the new hardline anti-racism laws after England bowler Monty Panesar - a bearded Sikh who wears a black patka - was called a "stupid Indian" during a tour match against New South Wales. He would have been offended by the comment, but he's currently studying for five degrees while working part time as a software programmer so 'the allegations had no truth to them'.

Students looking for a break on Wall Street are being offered a chance of an internship with investment bank Morgan Stanley if they can shine -- on screen. Morgan Stanley is taking part in a contest organized by Sony Columbia Pictures in which applicants create a five-minute video resume. The company has already received a dozen videos of suited youngsters snorting coke with $100 bills while having two naked women rub up against them in their Manhattan apartment.

San Francisco withdrew its bid for the 2016 Olympics on Monday just days after the city's professional football team said it would not build a new stadium that would have been a centerpiece of the bid. The liberal capital of America had already planned its slogan: 'The Gayest Olympics Ever!'

In a bid to become fair dinkum, Microsoft has given Aussies a go too and included national colloquialisms in the Office 2007 Australian dictionary. G'day came out on top with 2868 votes, followed by sickie (2152), ute (1912), trackies (1597) and bogan (1557). No word yet on whether 'Bill Gates is a wanker' will be spellchecked correctly though.