Sunday, February 04, 2007

Sunday, February 4 in the news.....

  • France's president, Jacques Chirac, urged an economic and political 'revolution' to fight Global Warming. When informed that Global Warming may not cooperate and instead be prepared for war against such moves, the French President promised to listen to its concerns and instead advocated a need to embrace Global Warming on a sustainable basis.

  • Nearly 160,000 turkeys have been culled in Britain after the country's first major outbreak of bird flu. It was discovered later that the tip was wrong, and had in fact come from a tourist who got sick and was sure he had bad food.

  • Egypt has charged four people with spying for Israel, a state prosecutor said on Saturday. Three were Israelis and one was an Egyptian with a Canadian citizenship. The four spies were actively pursued and caught in a bungled escape, with the Egyptian overheard screaming at the arresting officers "These fuckers said they could part the Red Sea!"

  • Russian authorities are looking to receive consent as early as next week to send investigators to Britain to probe the poisoning death of former security agent Alexander Litvinenko. The Russians hope to find out exactly what went wrong so the next poisoning goes smoother.

  • Israel has stepped up preparations for a possible military incursion into Gaza over concerns that fighting between Palestinian factions may lead to renewed attacks on Israel. One Gaza resident displayed the warning signs that have concerned Israel, telling local reporters recently: "You know, I really miss the days of kidnapped Israelis being dragged through these streets, rather than my local Hamas or Fatah representative."

  • A Saudi Arabian court has convicted and sentenced 20 foreigners to receive lashes and spend several months in prison for attending a party where alcoholic drinks were served and men and women danced. The 20 foreigners attempted the 'Bringing SexyBack' defence.

  • A spate of company takeover activity by foreign venture capitalists has sparked a debate in Switzerland about the intentions behind the deals. Taking large chunks of Swiss sectors, foreign investors are moving in on acquisitions in bigger deals. The concerned Swiss are now pining for the good old days when ill gotten Nazi treasures along with foreign dictators and organised world crime gang funds were simply deposited in their banks without them knowing.

  • The Iraqi government said on Sunday that half the Sunni Muslim militants behind the bombings shaking the country had arrived through neighboring Syria. Hoping for a better life, the Sunni immigrants had fled to Iraq to pursue their goals of warring against the enemy Shiites with their foreign Persian masters while also randomly targeting the 'henchmen of the Zionists'. When asked about his future plans, one Sunni militant replied "Well I sometimes have to pinch myself, I'm living the dream right here."