Sunday, March 18, 2007

Sunday, March 18 in the news.....

  • Donald Trump has said in an interview that President Bush may be the worst President of all time. In response, countless investors called Donald Trump the President Bush of business.

  • Mexican police seized at least $150 million in cash believed to be the proceeds of drug smugglers found inside a mansion in a luxurious residential area. They also found a huge stash of nachos estimated to be worth about 10 baseball games for fat guys in the USA.

  • German police said on Thursday they were investigating four youths for spraying sheep with swastikas, the cross-like symbol used by the Nazis. Scholars noted how Nazism had come a long way from invading France and the Soviet Union.

  • The descendants of an 18th century British Admiral shot by firing squad after his failure to "do his utmost" to defeat the French are pressing the government to grant him a posthumous pardon. The British defence establishment sympathised but said there was no chance, saying that if he wasn't British they would just laugh at him for fleeing from the French.

  • A Russian woman paid a hitman to kill her 17-year-old son because she was fed up with sharing her small one-room apartment in the Moscow area with him, the newspaper Izvestia reported on Wednesday. President Putin has asked her to serve as his foreign minister.

  • Hundreds of Pakistani lawyers in business suits hurled stones at police after officers fired tear gas to disrupt a meeting at Lahore's High Court to protest moves to sack the country's top judge. International observers were shocked that Pakistani lawyers could stoop so low as to wear Western business suits.

  • Germany sent a thinly veiled warning to the United States on Saturday not to try to split Europe into "old" and "new" with its plans to deploy parts of an anti-missile defense system in Poland and the Czech Republic. The USA responded by saying 'Hey if you don't like it why not invade Poland and annex the Czechs and we'll join the Poms firebombing you Bavarian folk dancing Krauts again?'

  • Struggling Republican presidential candidate John McCain dusted off the "Straight Talk Express" bus and rolled through Iowa this week. His Straight Talk this time involved telling 'a dopey bitch she can't drive and to get the fuck out the way'.

  • It has been discovered that landing speed was the main cause of an Indonesian plane crash that killed 21 people including 5 Australians this month. It was also discovered the other main cause was Indonesians flying it.

  • Spanish matador Fernando Cruz suffered horrific groin injuries this week after a bull's horns tore into his upper thigh and eviscerated his testicles. He stood up after and saluted around the ring in victory to the crowd's delight, minus his balls.

  • A brothel in Germany hopes to capitalize on the growing number of retirees by offering them a 50 percent discount for sex in the afternoon. Any elderly men who can recite the Nuremberg Race Laws gets a 100% discount.

  • A 91-year-old German sparked a rescue operation when he slipped mending his roof and got stuck fast in tar "like a beetle on its back," police said on Tuesday. "When we got there, he was like a beetle on its back, with his arms and legs sprawled out and completely glued to the roof," he added. "Due to his age, he couldn't free himself from his unfortunate situation." Due to the deficiency of humour in Germany the 91 year old man has no David Letterman or Jay Leno late night show to go on and do things like this weekly.

  • A New York restaurateur has cooked up the world's most extravagant pizza -- a $1,000 pizza topped with six sorts of caviar and fresh lobster. If it's not delivered in 30 minutes it's free.

  • An ice storm wiped away the traditional green stripe painted on Fifth Avenue for the St. Patrick's Day parade Saturday. Five Irishmen got in a brawl with a weatherman.