Sunday, May 27, 2007

Sunday, May 27 in the news....

  • In Roswell, New Mexico, city officials want to construct a UFO-themed amusement park based on its notoriety, complete with an indoor roller coaster that would take passengers on a simulated alien abduction. There is no word yet on what role the requisite anal probe will play on the ride.

  • NASA is in the market for commercial relationships and private capital as it gears up for its next manned missions to the moon. Nike may design moon footwear, McDonald's could market moon food, GM could design the moon buggy, and Apple could design a toilet for the lunar surface, the iMoonshitter.

  • A U.S. navy show of force on Iran's doorstep is "greatly alarming" for the region and the United States risked a bloody quagmire if it invaded Iran, a state-run Afghan newspaper said on Saturday. In related news, Afghanistan actually has a newspaper. In other related news, Afghan paperboys not only dodge neighbourhood dogs and cars, but mines and Taliban.

  • Opposition leader Kevin Rudd has promised to close the 17-year gap in life expectancy between black and white Australians within a generation. Kevin Rudd also admitted he formulated this policy after watching the DVD of Groundhog Day and thinking he could have done a better job than Bill Murray when he tried to save the old homeless man from dying.

  • Fiery Shiite cleric Moqtada al-Sadr appeared in public for the first time in months on Friday to renew demands for the withdrawal of U.S. forces from Iraq and paint himself as the leader for all Iraqis. Sunnis cursed him, Kurds ignored him, Shiites mobbed him like Elvis, American forces raided his Sadr City stronghold and killed five suspected militia fighters in air strikes.

  • Iran has uncovered spy networks on its territory they claim were organized by occupying forces in Iraq and Iraqi groups. They found them hidden under Persian rugs.

  • Kevin Rudd's wife deliberately shifted employees onto individual contracts last July, thinking the extra 45c an hour she was offering as a trade-off for losing some award conditions was fair. Kevin Rudd supported the move, telling his wife that Howard's IR Law changes were great for her company.

  • The Labor Party has indicated it is considering restricting fast food meal-deals that include toys as gifts to entice children. Instead, meals will be served with union badges.