Queen Elizabeth announced she would visit the United States next year to mark the 400th anniversary of the first permanent English settlement in North America. Alarmingly, there were reports a Patriot planned to kill her for allowing the USA to win its independence and enforce taxation without representation on the now fifty colonies.

Former United States vice-president Al Gore described the US and Australia as the "Bonnie and Clyde" of the global climate crisis for failing to ratify the Kyoto Protocol. Except in his version nasty Clyde stole an election due to his exploits in Florida and that whore Bonnie mocked his advances.

America's military has been employed to rid Times Square of its pigeon problem. Soon to be Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi immediately called for their withdrawal in this 'unwinnable war' and backed calls from Democratic Senator John Kerry to put back in place the pigeon lady from 'Home Alone 2' to prevent a descent into further chaos.