Saturday, March 31 in the news.....
- Iranian television said on Friday it would broadcast the "confessions" of one of the 15 British sailors held in Iran. Advertisers of beard maintenance products are fighting for the commerical time with prices reaching 'US Superbowl' levels.
- One of the 15 British service members held captive in Iran appeared Friday on state television and said he apologized "deeply" for entering Iranian waters. British Prime Minister Tony Blair, whose government has insisted that its navy personnel were captured in Iraqi waters, immediately condemned Iran's treatment of the captives, saying it "doesn't fool anyone." There is much criticism of Britain, with questions arising as to why they allowed Iranian Revolutionary Guards to arrest their personnel when they were not in Iranian waters or doing anything illegally, especially with the firepower they had. The USA released a statement regarding the situation Britain has fell into with Iran, saying 'this is how they lost America to us, bunch of almost-Frenchmen.'
- A Swiss man was sentenced to 10 years in jail on Thursday for defacing images of Thai royalty, a rare prison term for a foreigner convicted under Thailand's tough lese-majeste laws. The Swiss man told awaiting media outside that he should have stayed in Switzerland managing the secret bank accounts of international drug dealers, dictators, Nazi sympathisers and foreign government-sanctioned murderers, rather than drawing nudie bits on pictures of an Asian King.
- Rebels shot down a helicopter in Mogadishu on Friday and Ethiopia said its forces had killed 200 insurgents in a two-day joint offensive with Somali troops against Islamists and clan militia. Ethiopia was asked by Western media if they could continue to tolerate such attacks and resultant death tolls from Islamic terrorists, an Ethiopian spokesman responded "20 years ago we were starving and dying... now we're flying helicopters and dying! Sure beats no sandwiches motherfucker!"
- China's development of modern modes of warfare including military uses of outer space and cyberspace have yielded impressive gains that require U.S. vigilance, experts told a congressional panel on Thursday. Chinese intelligence got a copy of the congressional panel discussion the same way they got their gains in outer space and cyberspace technology.
- Russian efforts to obtain secrets on U.S. political and military decision-making have reached levels not seen since the Cold War, the top U.S. counterintelligence official said on Thursday. A U.S. official said "This is what happens when the Russians turn capitalist, they learn how to turn a profit with their eager consumers on former Soviet issues."
- President Bush offered on Wednesday to give Moscow a detailed explanation of his plans for an anti-missile shield in Europe, the Kremlin said, as Washington tried to cool Russian anger over the scheme. The detailed explanation involved the following: 'Give radical muslims in Iran the ability to produce nukes we give pissed off former Soviet states the ability to destroy your missiles, okay dirty bitches? Now go tell the world media how big your dick really is or how you can get around that shield, whichever comes first.'