Monday, April 30 in the news....
- An Afghan tribesman with an uncanny resemblance to Osama bin Laden has now been arrested twice, both times following reported sightings and massive manhunts for the al Qaeda leader, Pakistani intelligence officials told an American news network. The look-a-like has voiced interest in performing at muslim birthday parties and hopes he can cash in before a bomb randomly drops out of the sky.
- A woman at the center of a sex scandal that has caused a deputy secretary of state to resign and has lawyers calling around town trying to keep their clients' names out of public view is causing a big stir in Washington DC. Federal prosecutors allege she was providing $300-an-hour prostitutes. In related news, Senator Ted Kennedy has denied he was being provided with $300-an-hour chefs.
- Celebrity Labor recruit Nicole Cornes yesterday asked to be spared any "tough questions" as she struggled with a backlash against her decision to stand for Federal Parliament. Her first press conference as the party's candidate for the seat of Boothby in Adelaide drew widespread criticism about her inexperience and lack of policy knowledge. Her second press conference is expected to involve crying.