Wednesday, May 9 in the news....
- U.S. President George W. Bush will keep a military option on the table in the standoff with Iran over its nuclear plans, Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice said. Meanwhile Iran has said it will 'break the legs' of any invader, upon hearing this President Bush was reported to have confided to Rice that Lieutenant Dan in Forrest Gump got him some 'magic legs' and if Iran were able to do this he would get some too.
- Hamas militants have enlisted the iconic Mickey Mouse to broadcast their message of Islamic dominion and armed resistance to their most impressionable audience — little kids. A giant black-and-white rodent—named "Farfour," or "butterfly," but unmistakably a Mickey ripoff—does his high-pitched preaching against the U.S. and Israel on a children's show run each Friday on Al-Aqsa TV, a station run by Hamas. In their version of Disney characters Goofy is a luckless suicide bomber who constantly comes back from the dead only to have his bomb set off too early once again when aiming for Jews at bus stops and cafes.
- During a speech with Queen Elizabeth II alongside him, President Bush winked at her, which was rewarded with a regal glare. After the blunder the President paused and turned to the Queen to acknowledge his gaffe, joking that she "gave me a look that only a mother could give a child." Patriots threw their hands up at the President's response and said "That's it, time to give the country back to England, the bastard just surrendered. All that work, for nothing."
- Britain's capital London beat the glamour of Monaco, New York, Hong Kong and Tokyo to become the world's most expensive place to buy prime residential property, a survey showed on Tuesday. Also on Tuesday London beat out the capitals of Ethiopia, Botswana and Uganda for world's most likely place to starve while looking for a decent tasting meal.