Friday, January 26, 2007

Australia Day, what does it all mean?

Food -- Sausage sizzle
Chips -- Bloody chips
Complainer -- Bloody whingin' Pom
Australia -- Great Southern Land
Drink -- Beer
Beverage -- Beer
Water -- Light beer
Hello -- G'day how ya going, alright? Yeah yeah I'm good mate
Friend -- Mate
Enemy -- Mate
Stranger -- Mate
Woman -- The bloody missus
Day off work -- Sickie - "Crook mate, yeah, not sure what it is."
Not a problem -- No worries mate
Good -- Not bad
TV -- Eddie McGuire
Money -- Packers
Troublemaker -- Shit-stirrer/West Coast Eagle Footy Star
Jokes -- England Cricket Team/New Zealanders
A tourist -- Backpacker/Clueless cunt
Cooker/Oven -- Barbie/The Missus/Robbo
Can of beer -- Tinnie
Metrosexual -- Ian Thorpe
National Sports Representative -- Champion
ANZACs -- Legends/Blokes who scored us the Public Holiday in April
Get insulted -- Cop a serve/Listen to Mark Philippoussis talk about his next big comeback
Football -- Aussie Rules
Soccer -- Wog shit/Kids on the weekend/That sport watched every four years
Toilet -- Dunny/The Front and Back Office
Stupid person -- Flaming galah/Person who can't stand Cold Chisel
Car -- The wheels mate
A day when you don't drink beer -- What's that mate?
Getting upset at something -- Spit the dummy/Chuck a Lleyton Hewitt
Liar -- Bullshit artist/Bloke talking about the hot chick he scored
Stealing someone's food -- Cunt
Stealing someone's beer -- Fucking cunt
Someone sober -- What's that mate?
Unfunny -- Kyle Sandilands
Very unfunny -- Rove McManus' lovelife jokes
Tough guy -- Bloke bringin' back the biff/Mark Latham
A long walk in the outback -- Walkabout/Idiot backpacker
An old man -- Wrinkly sport/Lou Richards
Old episode of The Flying Doctors -- Good shit
Old episode of Young Talent Time -- Turn that shit off
Nice clothes -- Shorts and singlet
Ladies man -- Shane Warne
Father Christmas -- Gazza with a beard earning $10 an hour at DJ's
The Queen -- Dame Edna
The King -- Graham Kennedy
Fighting -- Spending a day at Cronulla
Christmas -- Bushfire moon
Disappear -- Pull a gecko/Damian Martyn
Public transport -- The sober person

Now for something a little more serious about what it means and why we can celebrate it, I'm serious. Eh, don't believe it then.