Monday, April 02, 2007

Monday, April 2 in the news....

  • A man has set himself alight in protest as US and South Korean officials raced today to agree on a major free trade deal hours ahead of a new deadline. Not to be outdone, another man paraded around naked to show off his burns from the last trade protests.

  • Supporters of David Hicks should remember he is an admitted terrorist supporter who fought against his countrymen, Treasurer Peter Costello said yesterday. Mr Costello's comments came as Hicks' lawyers said their client will attempt to live a normal existence on his return to Australia and release from jail. The supporters are looking forward to being regaled of the tales about terrorist camps and real-style America and Jew hating.

  • A tsunami has smashed into the western province of the Solomon Islands early today after an earthquake and was between three and five metres high, wiping out entire communities, witnesses have reported. One singer of an Aussie band slammed his fist down blurting out in frustration "Our schedule is booked tight we don't have time to raise money again for these poor-arse Asian tsunami motherfuckers!"

  • The EU has laid into the US and Australia, the only two major industrialised countries to reject the Kyoto Protocol, as UN scientists prepared a report likely to issue grim warnings about climate change. The US and Australia smiled and responded to the EU's criticism by labelling the intelligence as very shaky for a global warming of mass destruction and that curbs on industry should not go ahead.

  • Los Angeles is going through its longest dry spell in at least 130 years, the National Weather Service said Sunday. Raincoats have been notably absent from evidence rooms in the aftermath of recent gang battles.