Tuesday, October 31, 2006

And now for what's making the news...

Vice President Dick Cheney praised his wife's slapdown of a CNN reporter. In related news the Mufti of Australia praised the slapdown of Steve Irwin's wife with the most popular outfits of the 2006 Halloween range.

Britain has called for urgent action on global warming. Muslim youth stopped attacking French policemen for a brief period to appeal to the Islamic World to get the West to stop changing the subject.

A second senior cleric in Australia has claimed the courts are biased in sex cases against muslims, he has asked for the judges in the trials to be replaced by Osama Bin Laden, Ayman Al-Zawahiri and Mullah Omar.

It has emerged that civilian deaths are turning Afghans against NATO forces in the country. An Afghan native of Kabul said "I've lost three camels this week alone, not only is it emotionally devastating I can't even get to work harvesting opium."

A US panel has urged cases to be pressed against Chinese piracy at the World Trade Organization, China has responded to the threat by claiming the US are hypocrites as "Las Vegas alone contains a copy of the Eiffel Tower, the Egyptian sphinx and The Canale Grande".

Democrat Deval Patrick looks set to make history as Massachusetts' first black governor and the second black ever elected to the job in the United States, it is rumoured his major intentions are to 'keep it real', get a tattoo that says 'Governor' on his neck with a sword that runs through the letters, outfit all government vehicles with 24 inch spinning rims, then declare that Larry Bird can legally be called a 'super-talented white nigger' in the state of Massachusetts.

Hollywood star Brad Pitt has joined former U.S. President Jimmy Carter to help volunteers from a Christian charity build homes for the poor in western India, upon hearing this the poor of Western India asked if the plan would end up like Carter's Presidency and Pitt's Box Office returns.

Saudi Arabia has begun a tourist drive. The birthplace of Islam is in a push for higher tourist numbers, one recent lucky French visitor quipped "If you think the stereotype of us French being mean to tourists is true you haven't seen nothing yet."

One-fifth of Japan's population now consists of people aged 65 or older, the nation's latest census data show, the census also shows five-fifths of Japan's population still play video games and sing drunken karaoke.

Fiji has become tense as the army exercised in the streets of the capital, an Aussie holidayer watched the proceedings and clapped after, commenting "These guys crack me up."

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Australia's Declaration of Independence

Oi! Down Under's Thomas Jefferson: Mark 'Jacko' Jackson.























If you're lucky some day you might see me on the street
My crystal clear complexion is as snow white as a sheet
'Cause some say I'm a genius, to others I'm a loon
But someday there'll be people like me walking on the moon
If you think you've got the nerve to put me in my place
I think that I should warn you, I'm not just a pretty face

I'm an individual - you can't fool me
An indi-bloody-vidual - you can't fool me
A genuine original - you can't fool me
I keep an open mind 'cause I'm thinkin' all the time

I've a basic sense of rhythm and a chronic sense of rhyme
I make my own tomato juice and drink it all the time
I like to dress up lavishly, skin tight pants and sneakers
And on my head I wear the latest hi-fi speakers
Wish I had the chance to be a reckless millionaire
But I haven't got the money, so I really couldn't care

I'm an individual - you can't fool me
An indi-bloody-vidual - you can't fool me
A genuine original - you can't fool me
I keep an open mind 'cause I'm thinkin' all the time

I am not an animal
I am not an animal
I'm a 'uman being

Me mother calls me Markus and my father's name is Jack
And everybody knows that I'm a cut above the pack
My formal education was in competition bouts
Attending new auditions for the latest movie parts
People say the life I lead's enough to stunt my growth
They ask me if I'm happy and I tell them up your nose

I'm an indivdual - you can't fool me
An indi-bloody-vidual - you can't fool me
A genuine original - you can't fool me
I keep an open mind, 'cause I'm thinkin' all the time

I'm an indivdual - you can't fool me