Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Conversations Between America and Australia: An Expedition to Civilisation's Cultural Culmination through Westernism

Exhibit #25 - A little that a righteous man hath is better than the riches of many wicked. For the arms of the wicked shall be broken: but the LORD upholdeth the righteous. The LORD knoweth the days of the upright: and their inheritance shall be for ever. They shall not be ashamed in the evil time: and in the days of famine they shall be satisfied. But the wicked shall perish, and the enemies of the LORD shall be as the fat of lambs: they shall consume; into smoke shall they consume away.The wicked borroweth, and payeth not again: but the righteous sheweth mercy, and giveth. For such as be blessed of him shall inherit the earth; and they that be cursed of him shall be cut off.

5:40pm Jamie
Oh you're here. How about that. Josh usually gives me a heads up and dares me. But he's a banksta these days. Changes!

Vox
.....

6:11pm Jamie
You still here? That's gotta be a record.

Vox
.....

6:57pm Jamie
I'm certifying the record now.
If Guinness calls.


Vox
.....

7:05pm Jamie
They will. I hear the phone now.
It was marketers. Soon. Guinness.


Vox
.....

7:15pm Jamie
Wow. Just wow. Like Usain Bolt.

Friday, August 21, 2009

Conversations Between New South Wales and South Australia: An Expedition to Civilisation's Cultural Culmination through Westernism

Exhibit #2 - Freight Train Heart

Blake
Remember that in all things you do the root cause is concerned with your swinging sausage
thats right i have become a feminist


Jamie
oh no
It was the Ace of Base wasn't it


Blake
i realise that beneath every thought was the realisation that i wish i could crack macadamia nuts with my wang
Either that or i have been drinking Listerine again.


Jamie
its got some alcohol in it, but leave that for the Saudis, they get desperate

Blake
I hear they are dryer than Dicky Dawkins wives.
Inglourious Basterds comes out in a couple of days so its all good


Jamie
yeah I want to see that, Tarantino told the Jewish studio execs that it's okay to pick on Germans now. I'm sure that will work out nice for them.

Blake
it will kick much ass

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Conversations Between Canada and Australia: An Expedition to Civilisation's Cultural Culmination through Westernism

Exhibit #1 - Hail our Great Queen in her regalia; One foot in Canada, the other in Australia.

Jamie
I figure with the amount of work I'm doing the response is already under way, plenty of the basketball players I love work way harder than I am just starting to do, every day

Sarah
That's normal for pro-athletes. Usain Bolt!

Jamie
Yeah, they look great. I don't want to work that hard, but wouldn't mind some of that conditioning, in body and face

Sarah
You'd be hotter than a roasted butt of ham

Jamie
Wow, that's hot

Conversations Between New South Wales and South Australia: An Expedition to Civilisation's Cultural Culmination through Westernism

Exhibit #1 - Nationalism is both a vital medicine and a dangerous drug


Blake
...in the words of the simpsons "God bless the pagans"

Jamie
haha
I'm totally hammered sorry


Blake
kick ass

Later on.....

Jamie
I'm sobering up, about to go back to bed. Man I will regret this later on today, right now I don't care.

Blake
true
I just had a bacon and egg roll and it did me wonders


Jamie
I'm gettin' Red Rooster later

Blake
red rooster is good
make sure you get some pinapple fritters and kick ass BBQ chicken


Jamie
oh man pineapple fritters, how Aussie are we?

Blake
about 8.432 out of ten
unless you are wearing footy socks and a blue singlet
then you move to 9.172


Jamie
Dammit.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Conversations Between America and Australia: An Expedition to Civilisation's Cultural Culmination through Westernism

Exhibit #23 - Some people are like seed along the path, where the word is sown. As soon as they hear it, Satan comes and takes away the word that was sown in them.

Josh
Titans game is on in an hour

Jamie
That sounds good if I gave a shit about American football

Josh
Fag

Jamie
We don't inject roids up the butt here

Josh
Of course you dont

Jamie
You should watch an Aussie Rules game one weekend since it's free now, instead of being another Ignorant American

Josh
Okay

Jamie
I knew that would rile the Ron Paul inside of you

Josh
Uh huh


Exhibit #24 - Again Jesus began to teach by the lake. The crowd that gathered around him was so large that he got into a boat and sat in it out on the lake


Josh
Football time!

Jamie
Not for me. What are your plans, got food and drinks ready? That's a must.
I went the Coke and pizza from Marcellina's, topped off with a cornetto, not sure if you get them, but like ice cream in a sugar cone, don't get much better


Josh
I ate some shrimp and grits about 30 mins ago

Jamie
soooooooo redneck

Wednesday, August 05, 2009

Conversations Between America and Australia: An Expedition to Civilisation's Cultural Culmination through Westernism

Exhibit #21 - Excuse me. Are you the Judean People's Front?


Bruce
I see you!

Jamie
That's cool, you've probably got work to do, I just wanted to let you know that since you're my token Jewish Facebook Friend I take great liberty at thinking of insults that are not directly derived from Life Of Brian, and I look forward to using whatever my mind comes up with.

Bruce
I appreciate that.

Jamie
No worries, hook nose.

Bruce
anyway ... yeah ... i need to go
heh


Jamie
later, heeb

Bruce
laterz

Jamie
I love this already!

Conversations Between America and Australia: An Expedition to Civilisation's Cultural Culmination through Westernism

Exhibit #19 - Let Us Trade By The Promises Broken

Jamie
so did you tell me you were at traffic court while the judge was giving your sentence?

Josh
no
I told you that whilst waiting in the room
there were around 40 total cases


Jamie
You are like China over there
I don't go to court for that s**t, pay a fine


Josh
I got traffic school
so it doesn't go on my record


Jamie
F**kin' commies
And we drive on the proper side of the road here, you people are weird, go to Britain or here and you'll learn


Josh
yeah...

Jamie
I feel so at home seeing Britain, it's like the motherland! They are exactly like us but a bigger stronger and somewhat f**ked up version

Josh
and rainier

Jamie
yeah! They rained out the third test of The Ashes, we're not happy, they need f**king domes over their cricket grounds
It's freakin summer over there and they rain out a third test?


Josh
cricket is gay

Jamie
you copied from it to make baseball, you just didn't play cricket cause we hated you

Josh
ok

Jamie
Yeah bitch! Americans weren't popular with the British Empire


Exhibit #20 - Accademia di Belle Arti Firenze


Jamie
you're so spontaneous with your mastery of the english language!

Jason
New Englander learned long ago not to waste things.

Jamie
Like abandoning the Empire?

Jason
HELL YEAH! Unfortunately, New Englanders got soft when they embraced liberalism.

Jamie
You're a typical bunch of Poms

Jason
um...Poms? Sorry, what is that?

Jamie
Okay New Poms then.

Jason
umm...ok

Jamie
You put New in front of everything

Jason
yeah, ozzies put shrimp on their barbees

Jamie
How is Paul Hogan, treating him well?

Jason
I don't know, don't you know him personally?

Jamie
Nah he left. Went to the States, but you only had an affair with him, and he wound up in divorce court as a defacto American, he stayed.

Sunday, August 02, 2009

Conversations Between America and Australia: An Expedition to Civilisation's Cultural Culmination through Westernism

Exhibit #13 - The Cloned Path Of Celebrity


Jamie
I started watching Road Trip Beer Pong here, not sure what to think so far

Josh
Never seen it

Jamie
So far the skinny guy is back, and they have a total Ashton Kutcher looking hack in Stifler's role, right down to the GQ beard

Josh
Uh huh

Jamie
It's disgusting how far they'll go to replicate Ashton Kutcher, I actually thought it was him at first

Josh
Isn't he still doing movies?

Jamie
Oh and I just realised, the lead actor is a Hayden Christensen hack. They're going for an Elvis performance at Vegas with a second Road Trip movie, I guess movies can do that

Josh
They can

Jamie
Ashton wouldn't do this with his big Twitter celeb now, it's a sequel to a middle of the road teen movie, he would laugh if handed the script
But not his look-a-like, oh no


Josh
You're not a big twitter celeb
Although bogut does talk to you


Jamie
Yeah, how much do I f**king rock, the BOGEYMAN.


Exhibit #14 - An Alert Travels From Hesperia's Forbidden Fields


Jamie
Oh before I forget, this blog is the main Aussie libertarian blog http://blog.libertarian.org.au/ Vox might be interested in it, they recently reviewed Jonah Goldberg's book too, of which I participated in the comments there

Spacebunny
Cool, thanks, I'll check it out

Jamie
If I was sending that to Vox I'd prefer a remote-controlled four wheeler I can zoom into his quarters with a big sign and a painted middle finger on it, with the link below. That should get his attention.

Spacebunny
you might be surprised...

Jamie
Circle it around... add some nerf rockets to it....

Spacebunny
now you're talkin'


Exhibit #15 - The Scots at Culloden. The British at Bunker Hill. The French at Waterloo.


Nathan
Julie got an Iphone.
my world is collapsing around me


Jamie
ah, Joe Farah got one too, his was the coolest revelation "Papa got a brand new iphone"

Nathan
how embarassing.

Jamie
Joe Farah is style baby! He dyes the mo and lets the rest grey

Nathan
you love mustache men

Jamie
that's a heck of a moustache


Exhibit #16 - Sloth And Excess Reign Across The Land Of The Victorious


Jamie
I just heated up some pizza from last night

Larry
ah... sounds good. I'm very full from my quesadillas.

Jamie
what are they

Larry
A quesadiila?

Jamie
we don't do mexican here, hardly anyone has heard of mexican

Larry
It'a tortilla with cheese and in this case chicken.

Jamie
what's a tortilla

Larry
a tortilla is a flat round piece of bread.

Jamie
okay like a pita bread?

Larry
noo.. flatter

Jamie
must be pretty flat

Larry
very
you think you want to get fat on American fast food?
NOOO you want to get fat on Mexican food


Jamie
I don't know. they're not exactly my vision of USA fatness

Larry
seriously... you'll go nuts for mexican food

Jamie
yeah but it's not yank shit, I don't see fat Mexicans, I see fat Anglo-Saxons