Thursday, April 5 in the news.....
- The 15 British military personnel freed by Iran after a two-week diplomatic stand-off arrived back in England on Thursday. One of the seaman talked to awaiting media: "Since we've arrived back from Iran our treatment has been very friendly. We have not been harmed at all. You have looked after us really well. I deeply thank you for allowing us to enter the airport."
- Syria has told US Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi it is ready for peace talks. Pelosi, in return, said she was ready for 'all the hot goss and a shopping stint in Dubai'.
- A British dentist has been found guilty of urinating in his surgery sink and using dental tools meant for patients to clean his fingernails and ears. Authorities have noted that while it may sound like poor practice it actually marks a great advancement in the pursuit of better British dental standards.
- New York City has given away 5 million condoms in its first month. The official NYC condom has been launched to reduce the city's rates of sexually transmitted diseases and unplanned pregnancies. Going by the mantra that any publicity is good publicity, Mayor Bloomberg did not forget to note that before Africa New York was 'arguably the birthplace of AIDS and formally known as AIDS Central'. He then thanked the city's homosexuals and crack whores for spurring this intitiative with their 'relentless pursuit of sexual disease excellence'.
- The African country Uganda scrapped an adultery law Thursday that campaigners said discriminated against women. The law involved the right of a man to eat food without telling his wife.