Sunday, May 13 in the news....
- Many roads in the Pakistani city of Karachi were blocked on Saturday apparently aimed at disrupting plans by the country's suspended chief justice to hold a rally with his supporters. Motorists were upset until they realised that the dirt on the side of the road was the same as the road.
- The government has ordered the Australian cricket team's tour of Zimbabwe be scrapped, Prime Minister John Howard confirmed today, saying any visit would be "an enormous boost to a grubby dictator". It is uncertain if any planned tours will now go ahead to England as any visit there would be "an enourmous boost to a grubby people".
- A vandal defaced the giant portrait of China's late Chairman Mao Zedong that hangs over the Forbidden City on Saturday, prompting police to clear the area and adjacent Tiananmen Square. Chinese authorities are searching for the offender and are certain it's a goddamn mongolian.
- O.J. Simpson will not take legal action against a Louisville restaurateur who booted him from a steakhouse on the eve of the Kentucky Derby, apparently asking Simpson to leave because "he continues to torment the family whose lives he's already ruined 15 years ago." Instead of legal action O.J. plans to secretly kill him one night.