Saturday, May 31, 2008

Saturday, May 31 in the news....

  • A construction crane snapped and smashed into an apartment building in New York City with a thunderous roar Friday, killing two workers in the city's second such tragedy in 2 1/2 months. The crane is being investigated for ties to Saudi Arabian cranes.

  • A homeless woman who sneaked into a man's house and lived undetected in his closet for a year was arrested in Japan after he became suspicious when food mysteriously began disappearing. It was ranked a lowly 97th in weirdest things to happen in Japan this month.

Monday, May 26, 2008

Sports Edition, Monday, May 26

NBA Conference Finals

Los Angeles Lakers vs San Antonio Spurs - Lakers lead series 2-0

Game 3 review

In Game 1 and 2 Manu Ginobili could not lift his team or hit a shot, back in San Antonio, the first half was owned by the Spurs best scorer this season. In other words, Balki is playing Perfect Strangers with himself this series.

'Victory or burst'
- Balki high fives his teammate Bruce Bowen

The Spurs got off to a good start on the back of Balki, and Tim Duncan kept up his end of the bargain, the one about him being the greatest power forward to ever play the game, getting a 20/20 - 20 plus points and rebounds for the night. The Spurs rolled on, only Kobe Bryant really keeping the Lakers in the game.

'Why you with that Frenchie scrub anyhow' - Kobe Bryant takes a break and checks out Tony Parker's girl, Eva Longoria, on the other side of the court, while his team falls apart without his floor leadership.

On this night, everything seemed to go right for the Spurs, from Brent Barry's threes to Michael Finley's clutch shots to Oberto's inside finishes and since I'm a Lakers fan I can't continue to write any more of this crap I've had enough, all I want to do is leave it with this Robert Horry pic.

'Big Shot Rob' - Robert Horry takes a humourous swipe at the ref - the only shot he made all night.

Sunday, May 25, 2008

Sports Edition, Sunday, May 25th

NBA Conference Finals

Boston Celtics vs Detroit Pistons - Series tied 1-1

Game 3 in Detroit

Boston was able to go up early in a critical Game 3 but the Pistons brought it back - with the sort of Piston defense that would be able to find a way to keep the automotive industry in the Motor City. But Boston with Kevin 'KG' Garnett and Paul 'The Truth' Pierce kept its lead and with Sam Cassell and James Posey hitting clutch shots early on, the Celts looked like they might actually get their first road win. Road Trips for the Celtics so far in the playoffs have consisted of bus chants that include "How are we gonna lose! Tough! When are we gonna lose! When this bus stops!" So it was important for them to step off the team bus and prove themselves wrong in a city where they are just lucky to make it to the hotel without being shot up by an Eminem groupie with a Rasheed Wallace jersey on.

'Bad Boys' - Detroit's fan base epitomise their league bad boy image - This one by sneaking treats behind his parents backs.

Throughout the game Ray Allen was still missing in action for the Celtics, lofting up his bread and butter three-pointers but finding pop tarts on the finish. Garnett showed that he was the scariest man in Detroit tonight with a thunderous slam, and some Pistons fans had to change their underpants after that one. The Truth continued hurting them while Ray Allen will be the first black man to feature in a special edition of Where's Waldo.

The Pistons by the fourth quarter were relying on first year guard Rodney Stuckey, who was showing that new industries can come about in Detroit if they look hard enough, a great game from the first year player. Meanwhile, Ray Allen is money at the free throw line, in fact he can't miss, somewhere Shaquille O'Neal is crying onto someone's shoulder.

The Boston Celtics wrapped it up good and proper and the Detroit Piston fans left in a huff, realising that not only was their team falling on the homecourt but so were their house prices.

'No sweat' - Paul Pierce removes his headband as he heads for the locker room, or what opposition teams call the 'Safe House in The Palace'. In another era it was what Dennis Rodman used to call 'home' when his pick-up truck and shotgun weren't available in the carpark.

As the Boston Celtics boarded their bus, there were no chants of losing, just Ray Allen calling the wrong directions to the hotel with all his teammates laughing, cause it didn't matter tonight, Celts through, and The Truth drove that bus back to their hotel then Garnett slapped that Eminem-look-a-like Sheed fan like the bitch he is.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Thursday, May 15 in the news.....

  • Russia and Europe are teaming up to build a spaceship which will fly astronauts to the moon, Russia said on Wednesday, although the European Space Agency struck a more cautious note. Russia said it was looking for a hobby while it armed, funded and fed disinformation about the US and EU to its enemies.

  • California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger will propose borrowing against future state lottery revenue to help close a budget shortfall estimated as high as $20 billion, administration officials told The Associated Press. His proposal to borrow against the future earnings of his film the Last Action Hero was only forecast to sustain a single neighbourhood's streetlights for 30 minutes.

Monday, May 12, 2008

Monday, May 12 in the news....

  • Sudan severed ties with Chad Sunday. When told of the diplomatic dispute after his daughter's wedding, President Bush said Saddam was dead and he wasn't prepared to deal with another one, but would like to talk to Chad, as he hadn't seen him since his college kegger days.

  • The future of Pakistan's fledgling coalition government hung in the balance Monday after failed talks on how to restore judges sacked by President Pervez Musharraf. The talks dissolved when the bombs failed to go off.

  • Documents that Colombia says it recovered from a slain guerrilla leader give the clearest indication yet that Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez sought to arm and finance insurgents across the border to fight the Colombian government. Chavez denied he funded and armed rebels as part of his own imperialist plan for a future South America, but did say that even if he did it's only bad when the USA does things like that.

  • An Austrian man who imprisoned his daughter for 24 years and fathered seven children with her had threatened to kill his victims by pumping gas into the cellar where he was holding them, police said on Thursday. Many Austrians - upon hearing the latest revelations - rolled their eyes and braced for more Hitler jokes.

Friday, May 09, 2008

Saturday, May 10 in the news.....

  • Burma's junta has impounded two UN food aid shipments at Rangoon airport, triggering more outrage at the military government's refusal to accept a major international relief operation. Burma has been outraged at the outside world's insistence that it help its citizens rather than just kill them.

Friday, May 9 in the news.......

  • In US election news, the Democratic party's racial tensions erupted on national television on Tuesday night when Paul Begala, a Clinton supporter and CNN commentator, said Democrats 'cannot win with eggheads and African-Americans'. He then went on to say, 'it needs butched-up old lesbians too'.

  • Vladimir Putin, who became prime minister Thursday, has signaled that he intends to remain Russia's principal leader, and he is keeping the trappings of his presidency and many of its powers as well. There was a chorus of criticism from Putin's detractors, or so the nightshift worker at the largest graveyard in Moscow reported hearing to local newspapers.

  • After a cyclone that is rumoured to have killed close to 500,000 in latest reports, Myanmar's refusal to give visas to relief experts has been categorised by the United Nations as 'unprecedented' in the history of humanitarian work. The country at the centre of the latest Rambo film installment, responded by asking what humanitarian meant.